I'm tired.

This morning was bad.  We haven't had a truly bad morning in nearly 2 weeks.  Today was a bad one.  She didn't want to eat breakfast at the kitchen table.  She wanted to watch TV while she ate.  I don't usually allow them to watch cartoons during the time they're supposed to be getting ready, but this morning, I let her.  I was feeding Bitsy, arguing with #1 Son (who never wants to eat anything), trying to get B.B. to stop screaming, "Mermaid Man & Barnicle Boy Unite!", and trying to talk BabyGirl into getting ready for school happily.  It all fell apart.

 

She spent most of the morning crying & refusing to do the simplest of tasks.  #1 Son was too busy playing to get ready.  B.B. would not stay out of the way long enough for us to get anything accomplished.  By the time BabyGirl had to get dressed, she was in a state of emotional turmoil & I was nearing the edge.  In the end we both snapped.  I had to wrestle her into her clothes & Husband had to take her to school kicking & screaming.  I had almost forgotten just how bad things could get.

 

When he got home, Husband said she was still crying & saying she didn't want to go to school when he left.  I told him she would be fine once she was in the room with her classmates...she always is. 

 

Tomorrow is her class field trip.  They're going to the "big city" to see a play.  She's never been to a play before & I really think she's going to love it...but there's a problem.  The teacher sent home a note saying all the kids are to wear their red "Say Nope to Dope" T-shirts from Red Ribbon Week.  She hates the shirt.  She's never worn it since the day they made them put them on at school for the school group picture.  It isn't one of the 3 BabyGirl approved t-shirts.  Daddy suggested I let her wear another shirt to school & have her change in the bathroom before class.  She was not happy with that idea, "It's not allowed, Mom!  I have to wear the shirt to school.  My teacher said so!"  I tried to explain that Mrs.G would be OK with her not wearing it in our van on the way to the school, but she's having no part of it.

 

Husband wants to let her stay home if it's an issue in the morning.  His reasoning is that she won't be missing any actual learning time.  I understand that, but I'd hate for her to miss out on something I really think she'll enjoy because of a red t-shirt.  Once she's with her peers, the shirt will not be an issues...and I understand the need to dress all the kids alike.  I'd hate to have her wear something other than what they're asking & have her get lost in a crowd.  I really am torn.

 

On top of this, Husband asked me if she's been doing her boucing & jumping therapy every day.  To be honest, no she hasn't.  I feel like I spend all my time trying to make her do something.  She doesn't get off the bus until 4 o'clock.  By the time I brush her (therapy), she has a snack, does her homework, takes her bath, gets brushed again, watches a little TV or plays for a little while, eats her dinner, & gets brushed again, it's time for bed.  When in all this does she get time to just be a little girl?  I understand the need for the therapy, but I think it's wearing on both of us. 

 

 It doesn't help that I'm doing this all on my own.  Nights are hard on us all.  Husband is at work.  I'm dealing with 3 kids & a very busy creeper (as Bitsy doesn't really qualify as an infant any longer).  I don't seem to have time to get it all done anymore.  The days seem long & empty until she gets off the bus, then it's chaos until 9 at night. 

 

Until last night, bedtime has been a struggle with her.  She doesn't like she sheets, she's too hot, she can't sleep, she wants to sleep in our bed because our sheets are better.  I've changed her sheets, borrowed a quilt from Busha, put her to bed earlier, cuddled with her, played music for her, let her go to sleep in my bed only to move her out once she's asleep.  Yesterday I stripped my bed, washed the bedding & put it all on her bed.  For the first time in at least a week, she went to bed willingly and stayed in her bed all night long.

 

Then this morning it all went to pot.

 

I'd like to curl up & cry.