I just posted this in my Adult SPD share group. I know I've touched on this before, but I really wanted to lay more of it out today. Call it a need to put it all on the table. I feel the need to share.
As long as I can remember I've felt slightly disjointed. I've never really been able to explain it.
When I was 3 QM put me in ballet. I loved it & had no problem with the dance steps especially with all the repetition we did. But when it came time to do cartwheels on the mat, I was lost. I couldn't figure out how to make my feet go up in the air without killing myself. It terrified me. I think I was 8 years old before I got it.
I was 10 before I learned to ride a bike without training wheels. All the other kids on my street had their training wheels off by the time they were 6. And even when I learned, I was never particularly good at it.
I was never good at sports. Dodge ball petrified me, Basketball was too confusing, Volleyball was an exercise in terror. I wasn't coordinated enough to play anything that took hand-eye coordination. In fact, I have a horrible time remembering which is my left side & which is my right. But I loved to swim & picked that up very quickly.
In high school I joined the color guard (flag corps) in the marching band. I was fairly decent at it, but it took a lot of practice & things had to be broken down for me step-by-step.
I've always been clumsy & unorganized. I bump into things, drop things, loose things, forget things, & stumble easily. I really have no idea where my body is in respect to the stuff around me. I have horrible posture & constantly stand with my knees locked.
I get overwhelmed easily too. If the house is a big mess I can get almost panicked (but I spent the first 20 years of my life as a total slob). I truly want it all neat & organized, but end up giving up quickly because I'm overwhelmed by the chaos. Occasionally I start purging the house & have to stop myself before I throw it all away. I teeter between wanting a severely minimalist life & packing away every piece of paper my kids have doodled on for later.
Just the task of grocery shopping can be hard. I may go to the store to stock the pantry & freezer and come home with 4 boxes of Pop-tarts, a pint of ice cream, and salad dressing instead. If I don't prepare myself for a trip to the store I'll wander aimlessly looking at everything & never remember what I'm there after. I'll buy a shirt, earrings, and hair dye when I'm supposed to pick up tissues.
I love the mall, but if I'm there for a purpose I can never accomplish it. I end up wandering around in a half daze, completely indecisive.
Until recently I thought everyone was secretly like me. I assumed everyone felt shy & introverted unless around people who know them very well (and even then sometimes). I never understood what people meant when they said they were comfortable in their own skin. I've never felt that way.
I thought I was just odd because I couldn't stand to be touched lightly. If someone shakes my hand limply, I want to come out of my skin. If one of my kids brushes my arm gently, I jump. I am so ticklish if my feet are touched lightly I will kick.
Husband (who is very athletic & not even a little ticklish) thinks I'm overly dramatic. A few weeks ago one of the boys touched the bottom of my foot while I was resting & I nearly kicked him. Husband said, "You can control that if you want to." I've tried to explain that I cannot. I'd never kick the kids if I could prevent it! He really doesn't understand.
When our oldest daughter was diagnosed as having SPD (tactile defensiveness), I started reading The Out-Of-Sync Child & saw myself all over the pages. I don't have the same fight or flight issues BabyGirl does, so at first I thought it was just slight similarities. But the more I look into this, the more I'm convinced I also have SPD if even in a more mild form.
It's nice to have something to contribute all this too, but I'm still not sure what to do about it. I'm trying BabyGirl's Sensory Diet, but I'm worried that it's too late as my neurological system is already fully formed.
I guess I should add that while typing this, I rolled too far back on the exercise ball I'm sitting on, fell in the floor, & pulled the keyboard tray out onto my leg. I feel a bit like Charlie Brown....Good Grief.
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4 comments:
I think that everyone who reads "The Out of Sync Child" feels that have sensory issues by the time that they finish the book. I remember after my Early Childhood OT class had read it, we were all complaining about the tags on our shirt, the socks on our feet, etc. It's a great book.
What is your progress on Baby Girl's diet? She seems to be making huge strides and I was wondering if you were sticking to the diet or relaxing. I've heard mixed reviews on it's effectiveness.
Sometime when Daddy's a sleep on the couch FB needs to touch his feet. He will find out REAL quick it's not something you can control.
Or he could walk up behind Bucka and touch the back of his leg. Just make sure there isn't anyone in front of Bucka or they could land on their buttocks or get a black eye depending on their size.
I don't think it's too late at all. I think if you are truly aware of it, and you can dampen the effects, so to speak, it will be a good thing no matter how much you still have left. I also wouldn't necessarily rule out SPD, or any of the associated issues that can manifest themselves.
Praying for you along with BabyGirl, and your doofy FarmBoy...Lord love him. :)
They call all relatives, including parents, of sensory kids, cousins and they say every sensory kid has a cousin. You must be your childs cousin.:)
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