To sleep, to sleep, perchance to dream

Good bed time tonight!! I tucked her in, laid with her for a few minutes, then left...and she did not follow crying about her sheets, complaining that she cannot possibly sleep, begging me to come back to bed. Such sweet silence.

And for those of you who don't know, BabyGirl got her specs on Friday. She's cute as a bug in a rug in them. "The kids all said I look just like a teacher." Precious.

Now if only Bitsy would sleep......

Backwards Steps

Yesterday we had the first full blown, screaming, crying, fighting, crazed meltdown BabyGirl's had since we started therapy. We needed to go to town & she didn't want to go. She wouldn't get dressed & the rest was history. I'd nearly forgotten how bad things could get. Don't have to worry about forgetting that for a while.

Bed time is still a battle...I'm not seeing much difference with the cut back in her diet. I'll try it a bit longer, but if I don't see some major changes soon, I'm not going to stick with it. There's not much point in going through the trouble & expense if it's not going to help.

At this point I'm pretty desperate for summer to get here. These kids need a dry yard & somewhere to run. When it is dry, it's been too cold to take Bitsy out. The others aren't old enough to be turn loose on their own yet...If only we had a fenced in play yard.

The picture is a collection of things we use in her sensory diet. I thought I'd share. She goes from loving her stuff to wanting nothing at all to do with it. Sometimes it's hard keeping her interested. Last night I let her take a bubble bath. I gave her a straw to blow bubbles in the tub with, a bottle of bubble solution to blow bubbles with, and a pinwheel to blow on. Afterwards, she played with the thera-putty while I cleaned up a mess the boys made in her room.

Then she fell apart at bed time because she wanted to watch Nancy Drew. Ugh.

An Essay by BabyGirl, age 6 (nearly 7)

This morning was not exactly wonderful. BabyGirl woke up too early on the wrong side of the bed. Grumpy pretty much sums it all up. She wore the same clothes to school today that she wore yesterday. I really need a way to convince her that jeans are all purpose & can be worn with multiple different tops. This is not a matched set.

Yesterday she brought home an essay she wrote after her field trip earlier this month. The first & second grade classes went to see Henry & Mudge in the big town to our south. This is it verbatim:

Henr and Mug

There are three reascus why I had fun on out field trip. Frist, we had fun. I got to play tic-tac-toe. Next, we ate lunch at The Center. I got to meat nou people. Finelly, we went to Victary Theater and Harey And Mudge. it was funny. In conclusion, these are the resascus why I had fun.

I love it! I'm sure there are old essays of mine hidden around here somewhere that look very similar.

One thing I've noticed since we started therapy is that her hand writing has improved by leaps & bounds. BabyGirl's penmanship wasn't the best in the world. Most of the time it was hardly legible. Now it's beautiful, especially for a 6 year old. I don't know if she's suddenly being more careful or if this is a result of the therapy. I'll have to ask Miss Emily what she thinks.

One small step for fashion, one giant step for BabyGirl!

This morning my daughter happily left the house in NEW BLUE JEANS and a NEW SHIRT ! And that's all I have to say about that.

OT Tuesday

I took BabyGirl to "play" with Miss Emily this morning. She came home armed with new sensory "toys." She has a tub of bright blue Thera-putty & a long green Thera-band. The putty is like heavy duty Silly-Putty. I remember G'pa M&M having a tub of it when he cut his finger tip off many years ago. Miss Emily hid things in the putty for her to find...small coins, marbles, etc. The band is like one of those big exercise elastic bands for her to stretch against. She loves them!



She's also really enjoying the blowing part of her sensory diet. Bubbles as OT is the best thing ever!

Last night I made her a "fidget tub." I filled an old Cool-Whip tub with small odds & ends in different sizes, shapes, and textures. There are small shaped erasers, buttons, pesos, marbles, femo beads, wooden beads, tiny figurines, dice, and little toys, then it's all buried in nearly a pound of dry navy beans. It gives her lots of things to feel & sort, weight on her hands, and lots of movement. She played with it for nearly an hour last night while I put the boys to bed, settled Bitsy down for the night & took my shower. Bed time wasn't the issue last night that it's been for the past few weeks. I'm hoping the fidgets are what helped & it wasn't just a "good night."

While she was engrossed in her fidgets last night, I sat down on the couch & played with her. As we were playing I asked her what she thought about having SPD. She said, "It's GREAT, Mom! I love it!" I was shocked. Why would she love being so uncomfortable & miserable? What's to love about melting downs and falling apart over a pair of panties? "I get to play with cool toys, have lots of fun, jump on my trampoline, and go to therapy. Therapy is REALLY fun! I love going there." I'd never thought of it that way. To her it's become less & less about what she can't tolerate and more about what she gets to do. She amazes me continually.

She left me alone on the couch with her fidgets for a bit & I sat the bowl on my lap to play by myself. It was surprisingly relaxing. I buried my hand under all the beans & toys just to see what it does for her. The pressure of the beans on my hand felt so calming. It's hard to explain. I would love to have that kind of weight to curl up under. Yet again, like mother like daughter. When she came back, I had her try it. She loved it too.


Miss Emily suggested a weighted blanket one of the first times we saw her. BabyGirl wanted no part of it thinking it would make her hot. After feeling the weight of the beans on her hands, now she wants me to make her a weighted blanket. I'm trying to work it out in my head so I can start working on one this weekend. I figure if she doesn't like it, I'll use it myself!



On the diet front, while not going full out GFCF (Miss Emily said that would not be fun as BabyGirl would probably go through full blown withdrawls if gluten & casein are her problem), we have cut back quite a bit on both. BabyGirl is now drinking about 2 small cups of milk a day as opposed to the 4-6 full tumblers she was drinking a day. She's eating granola bars (while not totally gluten free, much lower in gluten than her old snacks), more fruit, and carrot sticks for snack. Dinner is still pretty much the same, but I'm more aware of how much dairy & wheat is in what she eats & try to cut back a bit.



There's not a drastic change, but she does seem to be improving a bit. We'll keep it up & see how it goes. I like the idea of cutting back while not entirely cutting out. It feels like a much safer avenue to me. If I see a drastic change, we may go futher down this road.



We'll go see Miss Emily again next Tuesday. Perhaps OT Tuesdays will become a regular thing around here.

More Baby Steps

Went to see Miss Emily yesterday. Spent a good deal of time talking about bed time (could just be behavioral...yippee) and the GFCF diet. Miss Emily said not to go cold turkey with gluten & wheat. She compared it to an addiction & said that would be too hard on BabyGirl's system.

She also added blowing to the at home sensory diet. Blowing bubbles, pinwheels (which of course I couldn't find yesterday at the store), cotton balls around with a straw...BabyGirl loves the idea.

We picked up Almond milk (which so far BabyGirl will have none of) and GF mac & cheese (yes, I know... cheese=casein & therefore defeats half the purpose, but we're starting small, remember?) at the local health food store.

We're going back to see Miss Emily on Tuesday. Since I still haven't heard from the school's OT, I'm going to up BabyGirl's visits to Miss Emily to once a week. BabyGirl is thrilled as is Miss Emily. They love each other. I am so glad!

Baby Steps

First of all, do you see that? That is my daughter Sunday morning wearing clothes in the house while watching TV. She even has her hair pulled up (a big no-no very recently). She just came out of her room fully dressed, wearing jewelry, asking for a ponytail!!

How this child doesn't fall off the bed in her sleep is beyond me. The picture is from one of the many nights she refused to sleep in her own bed. The issue comes and goes now. Most nights she starts going to bed around 8 o'clock & finally accomplishes the task around 9 o'clock. Then she'll lay in bed & sing until she falls asleep. I'm trying to be less rigid about it. Even if she doesn't give up & fall asleep until 10 o'clock, that's still 9 hours of sleep. I'd rather she get more, but it's not like she's really sleep deprived.

I'm still mulling over the GF/CF diet. One of the mothers on the SPD message board said she found it kind of funny that I consider this a huge step. I thought cutting two of the major food groups out of my child's diet is pretty major. She meant because they've been doing it do long it's second nature.

Today is picture day at school. BabyGirl picked out a red plaid skort & long sleeve turtle neck top that had belonged to Art's Syd. I've always loved the outfit, but BabyGirl's never worn it more than 10 minutes at a time & never out of the house. She even put on knee socks. She hasn't willingly worn a pair of socks in months. Today she was thrilled to put it all on...until it came time to put on her shoes.

She wanted to wear an old pair of black Mary Janes that are a 9 1/2. She's been wearing a pair of size 11 loafers for the past 4 months or so. She really needs about a 10 1/2. When the Mary Janes were too tight she wanted to change her entire outfit. It was time to go out the door, so I wouldn't let her change. The waterworks began & I felt bad sending her to school crying, but if we'd have gone back in her room to change it would have taken a good 20 minutes & ended in a total meltdown.

Husband said she took off the socks once she got to school, but it wasn't the normal screaming strip-down in the truck on the way.

Oh, and the jeans I bought that she hated...she tried them on again Sunday & decided they're OK. They've been washed & are waiting in the drawer for her to wear them out. Keep your fingers crossed.

Baby steps.

Possible New Path

The idea of having a child with special needs, especially needs that revolved around a specific diet, has always terrified me.  I'm not sure why it seems so very daunting, but it does.  The thought of having to over analyze every bite of food my child ingests is overwhelming.  As though we don't have enough to worry about as it stands.

 

That may very well be something we're facing.  I've been reading a lot of information on Gluten Free Casein Free diets for children with SPD & related disorders.  Some of the parents on the Yahoo SPD network swear by the diet.  I've read of kids who've done a 180 once the dairy (Casein) & wheat (Gluten...also includes Rye & Barley) have been removed from their diets.

 

I have to say I'm skeptical as the jury is still out on the studies that have been done.  But it might be worth a shot.  My biggest concern is that BabyGirl sustains herselfs almost entirely on wheat & dairy products.  I joke that my kids are on the Anti-Adkins Diet...little meat, few veggies (depending on the child), lots & lots & lots of carbs.  One mother on the SPD board suggested BabyGirl's predilection for dairy & wheat may be a symtom of intolerance as though her body is craving what it cannot process correctly.

 

So now I have to decided just how far to go with this.  Do we pull her off dairy & wheat all together?  Do we phase them out gradually?  Do we phase out one or both?  Do I thumb my nose at the idea all together and stuff her full of milk shakes & girl scout cookies?

 

As Inkling would say, "Oy."

Mixing things up BabyGirl style.

Daddy called me last night. He asked how things were going with BabyGirl. I told him our mornings have improved GREATLY. Bedtime, not so much.

I'm much more flexible about what she wears, and she's not fighting when it's time to get dressed. She may only wear three different outfits, but there is no screaming. I think it's a fair trade. And the single pair of underpants she's been attached to has been swapped out (granted, she doesn't know that, but what she doesn't know won't hurt us). There are three pairs of identical underpants & I've been swapping them out on a regular basis.

While I'm still a bit worried about what's going to happen when she has to get new clothes, I'm also much less stressed out by her behavior in general. This summer, when she's living in sundresses once again, her "favorite pants" will have to be lost. I'm praying she'll find a new favorite pair before next fall. (On a fabulous note, she wore Khaki pants and a blue shirt to school today that haven't seen the light of day since before Christmas!!)

Bedtime has become an issue again. She used to go to bed with little to no problem. Then about the time her clothing issues became unmanageable, she started fighting at bed time as well. So we worked on it. For a while we developed a great bed time routine & it was really working for us. She would take a bath, watch a little TV or play, have a snack & a cup of milk, read a good long story, put in her bedtime CD, then cuddle with me in her bed for about 10-15 minutes, then I'd leave & she's sing until she fell asleep. Things were peaceful & calm.

Lately things have fallen apart again. She doesn't want to stay in bed. She won't go to sleep. She gets belligerent & angry. She argues, fights, runs, cries....she goes into full meltdown mode. And if it's not a full on come apart, it's just a long drawn out argument. I get frustrated. She doesn't get the sleep she so desperately needs.

Daddy told me that's what he & QM would be praying about. Last night was a breeze (compaired to the past 4 nights). I couldn't lay & cuddle with her because Bitsy was having a fit alone in her play pen & Husband was already in bed (he worked very late the night before & was exhausted after a full day of running & dealing with the new truck). BabyGirl got up once to go to the bathroom & asked me to come cuddle once Bitsy fell asleep. I told her I'd try, but full expected to spend the next hour fighting to keep her in bed (Monday night I had to lay with BabyGirl a full 45 minutes to get her to settle down enough for me to leave her alone). She never got up again. By the time I got Bitsy settled, BabyGirl was out cold.

Thank the Lord!

Worry not about tomorrow....

As usual I was worried about nothing. BabyGirl not only got up & got dressed in the dreaded red shirt willingly (thanks to a few sprays of Bath & Body Works Clean Cotton Body Spray), but she came home & begged me to wash the shirt tonight so she can wear it again tomorrow!

When she came home from school yesterday, the first thing she did was apologize to me for her melt-down that morning. An absolute first for her. She's apologized if we discussed it later, but this was totally unprovoked. Later I let her decorate her lunch sack with markers, sparkly glue, and stamps to take on the field trip today. After that she was very excited about going.

Sometimes her Dr.Jekyll & Mr.Hyde act makes me dizzy. I used to repeat the nursery rhyme to her:
There once was a girl who had a curl,
Right down the middle of her forehead.
When she was good she was very good,
But when she was bad she was horrid.

I wonder if the girl with the curl had SPD.

I'm tired.

This morning was bad.  We haven't had a truly bad morning in nearly 2 weeks.  Today was a bad one.  She didn't want to eat breakfast at the kitchen table.  She wanted to watch TV while she ate.  I don't usually allow them to watch cartoons during the time they're supposed to be getting ready, but this morning, I let her.  I was feeding Bitsy, arguing with #1 Son (who never wants to eat anything), trying to get B.B. to stop screaming, "Mermaid Man & Barnicle Boy Unite!", and trying to talk BabyGirl into getting ready for school happily.  It all fell apart.

 

She spent most of the morning crying & refusing to do the simplest of tasks.  #1 Son was too busy playing to get ready.  B.B. would not stay out of the way long enough for us to get anything accomplished.  By the time BabyGirl had to get dressed, she was in a state of emotional turmoil & I was nearing the edge.  In the end we both snapped.  I had to wrestle her into her clothes & Husband had to take her to school kicking & screaming.  I had almost forgotten just how bad things could get.

 

When he got home, Husband said she was still crying & saying she didn't want to go to school when he left.  I told him she would be fine once she was in the room with her classmates...she always is. 

 

Tomorrow is her class field trip.  They're going to the "big city" to see a play.  She's never been to a play before & I really think she's going to love it...but there's a problem.  The teacher sent home a note saying all the kids are to wear their red "Say Nope to Dope" T-shirts from Red Ribbon Week.  She hates the shirt.  She's never worn it since the day they made them put them on at school for the school group picture.  It isn't one of the 3 BabyGirl approved t-shirts.  Daddy suggested I let her wear another shirt to school & have her change in the bathroom before class.  She was not happy with that idea, "It's not allowed, Mom!  I have to wear the shirt to school.  My teacher said so!"  I tried to explain that Mrs.G would be OK with her not wearing it in our van on the way to the school, but she's having no part of it.

 

Husband wants to let her stay home if it's an issue in the morning.  His reasoning is that she won't be missing any actual learning time.  I understand that, but I'd hate for her to miss out on something I really think she'll enjoy because of a red t-shirt.  Once she's with her peers, the shirt will not be an issues...and I understand the need to dress all the kids alike.  I'd hate to have her wear something other than what they're asking & have her get lost in a crowd.  I really am torn.

 

On top of this, Husband asked me if she's been doing her boucing & jumping therapy every day.  To be honest, no she hasn't.  I feel like I spend all my time trying to make her do something.  She doesn't get off the bus until 4 o'clock.  By the time I brush her (therapy), she has a snack, does her homework, takes her bath, gets brushed again, watches a little TV or plays for a little while, eats her dinner, & gets brushed again, it's time for bed.  When in all this does she get time to just be a little girl?  I understand the need for the therapy, but I think it's wearing on both of us. 

 

 It doesn't help that I'm doing this all on my own.  Nights are hard on us all.  Husband is at work.  I'm dealing with 3 kids & a very busy creeper (as Bitsy doesn't really qualify as an infant any longer).  I don't seem to have time to get it all done anymore.  The days seem long & empty until she gets off the bus, then it's chaos until 9 at night. 

 

Until last night, bedtime has been a struggle with her.  She doesn't like she sheets, she's too hot, she can't sleep, she wants to sleep in our bed because our sheets are better.  I've changed her sheets, borrowed a quilt from Busha, put her to bed earlier, cuddled with her, played music for her, let her go to sleep in my bed only to move her out once she's asleep.  Yesterday I stripped my bed, washed the bedding & put it all on her bed.  For the first time in at least a week, she went to bed willingly and stayed in her bed all night long.

 

Then this morning it all went to pot.

 

I'd like to curl up & cry.

My four eyed baby.

BabyGirl is nearsighted. Apparently this is uncommon in six year olds. Most kids her age are farsighted. And the way I understand it, she's only near sighted in her right eye. It's about 20/40 or 20/50. So glasses it is. Mainly for board work at school. Her glasses will be exactly like mine (the frames in the pic are the right shape, wrong color. Ours are burgundy). Illinois Medicaid (while I am eternally grateful for it) needs to refine it's optomical guidelines. They had 2 frames to choose from. These & a flimsy wire frame. And they take a full month to come in!

She's not particularly happy about the idea of wearing them...or at least she wasn't until it came time to tell people about them. "They look really cute on me, Pa." She's right, they are adorable!

Oh, and she doesn't like the new jeans I bought. This could get bad....