Look out, Victoria. BabyGirl has a secret of her own.

Thank the Lord, Spring is here. I was beginning to think we'd be trapped in the house until the kids graduate from college. And now that BabyGirl will willingly go outside to play, I'd really hate that. Three months ago, if the weather was decent, she would spend all her time in her room instead of going out with Husband and the boys. She spent a good deal of time looking out the window & crying that it wasn't fair that the boys got to ride the four wheeler & she didn't. Now she's the first one dressed & out the door.

Last night I decided I'd had enough of washing the same 3 pairs of underpants because she would only wear "the white ones." The white ones came in packages with printed underpants that were otherwise identical. This has been going of for more than a month, and although a vast improvement on refusing to wear them all together, it still gets a bit wearing.

At one point there was only one pair of the white ones she'd wear. A few weeks ago I started switching out the underpants (unbeknownst to my daughter). Middle of last week I finally told her what was going on. At first she didn't believe me, but eventually she accepted it as fact.

Bed time last night found her in a rather good mood, so I told her we were going to do an experiment. I blindfolded her (which she LOVED) and tried every pair of underpants she owns on her. If she liked them, I put them on her bed. If she didn't I put them on her bed. When we got through the entire pile, there were only 2 on the floor, so I tried them on her a second time. The second time they passed the test.

When I took the blindfold off her face she was thrilled to see the pile on her bed. "I liked all those, Mom?! That's ALL MY UNDERPANTS! They all feel good now!!" She ran out in the living room & told her dad & showed him the underpants she'd picked out to wear to school today.

This morning she even wore a pair of Capri jeans & a t-shirt that hasn't seen the light of day in months.

And bedtime drama is down by about 8,000 % since we introduced the weighted blanket. She's been sleeping under it all night & I really think it's feeding her nervous system as much if not more than the brushing. We've cut back on the brushing quite a bit, but I think I'm going to start setting the timer & doing it every 2 hours again.

I do wonder if this is something she'll grow out of since her SPD is fairly mild by comparison & treatment is working so very well for her. It would be wonderful if this ended up being something we could look back on and say, "Hey, do you remember when BabyGirl was a nudist?"

Night two

She got up about 3 minutes after I tucked her in tonight & told me she couldn't fall asleep. To which I replied, "You should probably try laying still for more than 3minutes." Since she caught me nursing Bitsy, she got to wait around for about 20 minutes & play with her brothers' toy cars. When I tucked her in the second time, she stayed there. No fighting. No crying. Night two. PTL!!

There was a minor meltdown this afternoon over the computer. I was talking to the Queen Mother on the phone & BabyGirl & #1 Son started fighting over the computer. I set the timer giving him 5 more minutes before he had to relinquish it to his sister. I left the room & blows were exchanged. I promptly turned off the computer & told them it was done for the night. #1 Son ran off crying. BabyGirl screamed at me. "Idiot!" This is her favorite thing to call people. It does not go over well. Not even a little bit.

I took her to her room & she had a come apart. Last week I was talking to Inkling on the phone when BabyGirl screamed at me about something. She screamed once, then went on about her business. I told Inkling that a month ago that would have been a full 20 minute melt down. I was so thankful for just that scream.

Sometimes I worry that people think we are too lenient with her. I really need to stop worrying about things like that. No one else lives with her. No one else knows what kind of battles are really worth fighting on a daily basis. Sometimes I do not choose my battles wisely. I'm trying to remedy that.

Just my thoughts tonight.

A weight has been added...but this time it's a good thing.

At our first OT appointment, Miss Emily suggested we get a weighted blanket for BabyGirl. Bedtime was fairly involved at the time, but she would still stay in bed & go to sleep. I borrowed a quilt from Busha that my great-grandmother made. It was pretty heavy (and exactly what Miss Emily suggested), but BabyGirl hated it. She refused to sleep with it saying it was too hot. She wanted no part of any blanket that was heavy.

Since then things have disintegrated at bed time. She goes to bed well about one night a week. The rest of the time she cries and fights and complains that her bed "itches." For a while she'd go to sleep in our bed, then I'd move her when I went to sleep. She's getting bigger, so that's not as easy a task as it once was.

Two nights ago the fight lasted nearly an hour. She wanted me to take the mattress pad off my bed because it was "too soft." My mattress pad encases the entire mattress. You have to pick the mattress up and put it inside the pad & zip the pad up. Not a one man job. Not by a long shot. I spent 20 minutes explaining this to her. She refused to listen & kept yelling if I cared about her at all, I'd take it off. (Another new developement. Followed by, "Ever since I started itching I was trying to figure out if you really love me. Now I know you don't." Oy.)

Eventually I turned off the TV and all the lights, sat in my recliner & rocked Bitsy until they both gave up & went to sleep. BabyGirl spent the first 10 minutes of this endeavor telling me that if I didn't turn on the lights she was never going to sleep & she'd never let me sleep either. This approach does not work on so many levels!

When I made her fidgets bowl last week, she discovered she loves the weight of the beans on her hands. I asked her then if she wanted a "bean blanket" and she said yes. I've been trying to work out how to make one all week because I don't want to spend $89-$150 on something just to find out she won't use it.

Yesterday I let her pick out an old softly worn sheet from the linen cabinet (secretly afraid she'd pick my favorite Wamsuttas from when I was little). Luckily it had a printed grid on it, so that cut my work in half.

I cut the twin sized sheet down and sewed it together to make a giant pocket. Then I sewed channels in it & started filling them with dried pinto beans. After each scoop of beans, I'd sew across the length of the blanket making pockets to keep the beans from shifting too much.

In the end we have a bean quilt. I ran out of beans just over half way through, but it's big enough to cover most of her body if she lays on her side with her legs bent (that's how she falls asleep anyway, so it's not a huge issue).

The next time I go to town, I'll pick up another 5 lbs of beans & finish it off. But until then, it seems to be working. She went to bed with no problems & never once complained that the sheets "itched." I'm not hanging my hope on this blanket with only good night, but I am hoping for the best.

Now, this might seem a bit odd to some of you, but I really feel I need to share. This is a huge step of faith for me...I'd normally keep something like this to myself. After I finished the blanket (or at least as much as I could), I anointed it with oil & prayed over it. Please don't think I'm a lunatic. I do not believe the blanket now has special spiritual powers. This is also not something I do a lot. But I do believe the Lord can use it to bless my daughter, and I also believe He led me to do this. My prayer was mostly a blessing for BabyGirl, but this is the way I felt the blessing should be imparted on her.

I went in her room & took the blanket off her before I turned in for the night (actually I took it & laid it across my lap for about 15 minutes...after I used one of her old brushes on myself. Miss Emily suggested I try some of the techniques to help with my issues). At 2:30 this morning she came in & woke me up wanting the blanket back on. Then this morning when I brushed her (I usually brush her to wake her up, then let her rest in bed until her breakfast is ready) and she wanted it back on again.

I pray this continues to comfort her and give her the peace & calming she needs to sleep each night.

To sleep, to sleep, perchance to dream

Good bed time tonight!! I tucked her in, laid with her for a few minutes, then left...and she did not follow crying about her sheets, complaining that she cannot possibly sleep, begging me to come back to bed. Such sweet silence.

And for those of you who don't know, BabyGirl got her specs on Friday. She's cute as a bug in a rug in them. "The kids all said I look just like a teacher." Precious.

Now if only Bitsy would sleep......

Backwards Steps

Yesterday we had the first full blown, screaming, crying, fighting, crazed meltdown BabyGirl's had since we started therapy. We needed to go to town & she didn't want to go. She wouldn't get dressed & the rest was history. I'd nearly forgotten how bad things could get. Don't have to worry about forgetting that for a while.

Bed time is still a battle...I'm not seeing much difference with the cut back in her diet. I'll try it a bit longer, but if I don't see some major changes soon, I'm not going to stick with it. There's not much point in going through the trouble & expense if it's not going to help.

At this point I'm pretty desperate for summer to get here. These kids need a dry yard & somewhere to run. When it is dry, it's been too cold to take Bitsy out. The others aren't old enough to be turn loose on their own yet...If only we had a fenced in play yard.

The picture is a collection of things we use in her sensory diet. I thought I'd share. She goes from loving her stuff to wanting nothing at all to do with it. Sometimes it's hard keeping her interested. Last night I let her take a bubble bath. I gave her a straw to blow bubbles in the tub with, a bottle of bubble solution to blow bubbles with, and a pinwheel to blow on. Afterwards, she played with the thera-putty while I cleaned up a mess the boys made in her room.

Then she fell apart at bed time because she wanted to watch Nancy Drew. Ugh.

Mixing things up BabyGirl style.

Daddy called me last night. He asked how things were going with BabyGirl. I told him our mornings have improved GREATLY. Bedtime, not so much.

I'm much more flexible about what she wears, and she's not fighting when it's time to get dressed. She may only wear three different outfits, but there is no screaming. I think it's a fair trade. And the single pair of underpants she's been attached to has been swapped out (granted, she doesn't know that, but what she doesn't know won't hurt us). There are three pairs of identical underpants & I've been swapping them out on a regular basis.

While I'm still a bit worried about what's going to happen when she has to get new clothes, I'm also much less stressed out by her behavior in general. This summer, when she's living in sundresses once again, her "favorite pants" will have to be lost. I'm praying she'll find a new favorite pair before next fall. (On a fabulous note, she wore Khaki pants and a blue shirt to school today that haven't seen the light of day since before Christmas!!)

Bedtime has become an issue again. She used to go to bed with little to no problem. Then about the time her clothing issues became unmanageable, she started fighting at bed time as well. So we worked on it. For a while we developed a great bed time routine & it was really working for us. She would take a bath, watch a little TV or play, have a snack & a cup of milk, read a good long story, put in her bedtime CD, then cuddle with me in her bed for about 10-15 minutes, then I'd leave & she's sing until she fell asleep. Things were peaceful & calm.

Lately things have fallen apart again. She doesn't want to stay in bed. She won't go to sleep. She gets belligerent & angry. She argues, fights, runs, cries....she goes into full meltdown mode. And if it's not a full on come apart, it's just a long drawn out argument. I get frustrated. She doesn't get the sleep she so desperately needs.

Daddy told me that's what he & QM would be praying about. Last night was a breeze (compaired to the past 4 nights). I couldn't lay & cuddle with her because Bitsy was having a fit alone in her play pen & Husband was already in bed (he worked very late the night before & was exhausted after a full day of running & dealing with the new truck). BabyGirl got up once to go to the bathroom & asked me to come cuddle once Bitsy fell asleep. I told her I'd try, but full expected to spend the next hour fighting to keep her in bed (Monday night I had to lay with BabyGirl a full 45 minutes to get her to settle down enough for me to leave her alone). She never got up again. By the time I got Bitsy settled, BabyGirl was out cold.

Thank the Lord!