Weary.

I feel as though we've taken a giant step backwards. BabyGirl refuses to do her OT. She wants nothing to do with her sensory diet. And now dressing is becoming a battle ground again. It's not the daily battle it was last year, but this morning was one of the worst mornings we've had in nearly a year.

She sat on her bed crying & repeating, "I don't know what to wear. I just don't know what." After almost 15 minutes spent trying to help her decide & talking over choices I left the room in frustration. I told her I had to fix #1 Son's coat & she had until I was done to make a decision or I'd be dressing her myself.

When I came back in, nothing had changed. I proceeded to attempt to dress her & things went to hades quickly. In the end, Husband & I had to physically restrain & dress her. Then he had to carry her kicking & screaming to the truck.

I know many people would wonder why we even take her to school on days like this. There are actually two answers to that question. #1. By the time she's in the school building (many days before the truck even gets to school), she has calmed down & even if still angry, goes willingly into class. And #2. If we kept her home every time this happened (if we chose not to dress her & carry her fighting out the door), she'd still be in first grade having missed nearly the entire first semester. I really don't want the truant officer calling and asking why my child is never at school.

This morning I am shaken, upset, frustrated, angry, and worried all over again.

Backwards Steps

Yesterday we had the first full blown, screaming, crying, fighting, crazed meltdown BabyGirl's had since we started therapy. We needed to go to town & she didn't want to go. She wouldn't get dressed & the rest was history. I'd nearly forgotten how bad things could get. Don't have to worry about forgetting that for a while.

Bed time is still a battle...I'm not seeing much difference with the cut back in her diet. I'll try it a bit longer, but if I don't see some major changes soon, I'm not going to stick with it. There's not much point in going through the trouble & expense if it's not going to help.

At this point I'm pretty desperate for summer to get here. These kids need a dry yard & somewhere to run. When it is dry, it's been too cold to take Bitsy out. The others aren't old enough to be turn loose on their own yet...If only we had a fenced in play yard.

The picture is a collection of things we use in her sensory diet. I thought I'd share. She goes from loving her stuff to wanting nothing at all to do with it. Sometimes it's hard keeping her interested. Last night I let her take a bubble bath. I gave her a straw to blow bubbles in the tub with, a bottle of bubble solution to blow bubbles with, and a pinwheel to blow on. Afterwards, she played with the thera-putty while I cleaned up a mess the boys made in her room.

Then she fell apart at bed time because she wanted to watch Nancy Drew. Ugh.

To homeschool?

When we picked BabyGirl from school yesterday, she was happy. She said her head hurt, probably from a serious lack of sleep, but she never did meltdown. It was a great surprise considering how things had gone the night before & earlier in the day. She did her homework (almost happily), took her bath, watched a video, ate dinner, and sat with us to read bedtime stories with no major drama.

After the boys were tucked in, I let her watch Gigi (the one based on the kids book, not the one about a Parisian courtesan) while I soaked my hurting back in a too hot bath. Then we read two chapters of Peter Pan & cuddled for a few minutes before I left her tucked in. She never fussed or fought. She stayed in bed & slept well last night.

Then this morning rolled around. She didn't want to get up, but once she was up, she was pretty calm. All was well until time to get dressed. By the time they left I could hear her screaming eventhough the van door was closed as was the screen door on the house. She was completely unglued.

When Husband came home he said we needed to start looking into homeschooling. It's gottent that bad. I'm not sure this is the right rout for us (as homework is usually a serious battle), but I do know it's worth investigating. Right now it just seems like one more thing to worry about...and I don't have the engery to worry over anything!